Episode VII: Introversion vs. Extroversion. (ft. Miguel Opeña)

I hope you and your family had an excellent Mother’s Day.

My friend Miguel Opeña and I think about things very similarly, which is a rare treat that allows for incredibly deep conversations. Miguel runs a blog called Skeptical Futurist about robotics, computer science, and how we can make our future better. His link will be below the article.

One of those conversations was about being introverted vs. being extroverted. Are the two terms being vocal or quiet by nature, or is there something deeper than the label?

This requires a breakdown of the terms themselves. 

By definition, an extrovert is a more verbally expressive person, and an introvert is a shy, reticent person. 

Miguel appears to be introverted, and I appear to be extroverted to most people. He typically is shy, while I am more expressive.

But is that the end of the discussion? No. There is a lot more to the “extrovert” and “introvert” labels.

When I express myself to others, including people that I do not know, I do so for a reason. Sometimes, the reason is ridiculous. But the fact of the matter is that there is an intention. 

Why does intention matter? Let me tell you from Miguel’s lens. 

Miguel is more selective than I am about the concept of meeting new people. He always meets new people with an intention and can become extroverted when necessary. It shouldn’t be natural for him to pick up a conversation as an introvert, but it is. Why? 

Miguel engineered his social battery. If he has an intention, whether it be social or personal, he will take the initiative and start the conversation. 

Miguel wants to become a leader because it’s a part of his mission. He always has missions.

I’ve known Miguel since before college and can attest that he is an introvert by nature. When we went to San Fran together, I watched him break out of his shell and discuss high-level concepts with very influential people because he had one goal: learn. 

Miguel is a selfishly creative person. Everything has a higher purpose, including his social interactions. He adapts his tendencies and becomes more extroverted to make an impact.

What does this say about intention? Intention transcends to become habit. 

Intention becomes routine, and routine becomes a habit to where reaching out isn’t a have-to anymore. Miguel and I agree on this.

Because he made it a habit to reach out, the natural social fears that come with being introverted disappeared. 

However, I am a little different than Miguel. I am extroverted but also become easily overwhelmed in group situations.

I used to force myself in group conversations and did not fully express my personality. The intention was to be a part of that group and, most times, I missed out on contributing positively.

Part of this is because I (sometimes) have a short social battery.

I am aware of my social limitations and do not extend past my social battery. When that battery dies, both Miguel and I will completely shut down. 

What influences shutdowns? Surroundings.

Surroundings make a massive impact on social battery. 

For example, I can be introverted in groups with many different unknown energies because I observe the energy of a room, become overwhelmed by it, and shy away from contributing.

However, I will have no problem being myself in a quieter group setting like a library because the only energy I observe is at the library with me. 

The energy in a library group is finite. We all boost each other’s thoughts, initiate deeper thought, and maximize our intellectual efforts through discussion in libraries.

So, you will see my true self if the energy in the room is right. I trust my gut with the energy of a room and respond accordingly with when I go.

But sometimes, you can’t do that. What about in public situations?

I used to HATE public speaking. I used to be more extroverted naturally, but public speaking was my kryptonite. 

Then, I started taking acting classes to let my body and mind flow regardless of the energy in a room. 

Acting was probably the most beneficial class for my personal development. Let me give you an example. 

One of my proudest feats in college was running a nonprofit. I was the President of Princeton Football’s Chapter of Uplifting Athletes for three years, a nonprofit that inspires hope for the rare disease community. Before our games against Penn, I spoke to the team to inform them about stickers to support the cause and what’s next within the chapter. My sophomore year was the first time that I had to do this, and I was NERVOUS. In fact, I was so nervous that I spun around in a circle and refused to get in front of the entire team after Coach Surace, my head coach, called me out. I stuttered, panicked, and my face went completely red.

Now, is this a result of being introverted? No. I just didn’t know how to present a message with confidence to a bigger group. What changed that? Acting classes. Not kidding. 

I took acting classes for three semesters and developed the confidence to speak to any amount of people regardless of the message. This November, I knew that the time to speak in front of the team was coming again. I was anxious. 

Should I have prepared for it? Yes. But did I? No. My brain wasn’t working because of the concussion.

But when the time came, I stepped up to the plate, looked the guys in the eye, did not stutter, and made the message clear for everyone in the huddle.

The only thing that changed was my confidence in sending a message.

Our point? Be fluid in social situations to maximize your energy.

Miguel and I think about the situation before getting into it and make a conscious decision on how to contribute to a room's energy positively. 

We, in short, engineer our social batteries with a plan of doing something and thinking about how to get more out of social interaction. 

But once it is time to socialize, being fluid about your energy and recognizing what other energies need will allow you to maximize both your presence and experience in a given moment. 

Be fluid, in the moment, and have the ability to be both social and quiet. 

Miguel’s Blog: https://medium.com/@openamiguel