Episode XIV: Jumpman

Talk about a year filled with perspective. One year ago today, I decided to quit playing football and start my journey in the startup space. It was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve made, but the growth in such a short amount of time has been tremendous. Crazy that a birthday will bring that much perspective into the picture. However, these past two months have provided just as much perspective, and I’m now covering what your eyes haven’t seen because I haven’t shared it. Things aren’t always as smooth as they seem. I almost died, but still stand today. More below.

—

November 21st - December 20th: Critical Condition

Yes, I was actually in critical condition. I haven’t publicly shared much information over the past two months because of how bad it got. It started the week before Thanksgiving, when I found out that my bottom left wisdom tooth was infected at the root (and no, it wasn’t a cavity). It made me sick for a week and a half, including through Thanksgiving. They recommended I got all four pulled, so I did and had lockjaw after the surgery. When my cheek swelled, I thought it was lockjaw, but that was not the case. I couldn’t eat, breathe, talk, or drink water out of my mouth shortly after the surgery.

Then, the worst part came. I couldn’t breathe at all out of my mouth. My neck and cheek were swollen like a baseball was stuck, so off to the ER I went. When there, they admitted me immediately despite 200 people waiting for entrance. Nurses hooked me up to IV’s as I waited for a CT scan, and when the scan happened, they sent me right to an ICU and told me that I needed emergency surgery. What is it though? 

It was called a pharyngeal abscess. 9.5 inches of pus blocked my throat, which is why I couldn’t use my mouth. That baseball in my neck and cheek was all an infection that spread like wildfire. The worst part was: it was spreading towards my nose, blocking my ability to breathe altogether. Holy sh*t, I was in critical condition.

The first surgery was doctors poking holes in my mouth to drain the pus. Then, they said I needed a second surgery to prevent the pus in my neck from getting to my lungs. My friends visited me at the hospital, then that surgery came, went, and a drain was placed in my neck to prevent any pus from getting to my lungs. Being under anesthesia is brutal, especially when it’s your body’s third time doing so in three weeks.

My least favorite part of this process was how I looked. In that time, I lost 28 lbs, going from 234 lbs on a bulk and lifting really well to 206 lbs and losing all muscle mass. Also, when the drain was pulled before I headed home, my hair got stuck on the hole. That moment was when I determined that it was time to cut the hair.

When life almost gets stripped from you, but this time while remembering all of it, there are two places your mind will always run to: what it could’ve been and what life could be. Your mind, when stuck, will always escape to the present or future. I learned in the hospital that even if the present moment is brutal, being aware of how your present moment providing problems prepares you time to process perspective.

When I left the hospital, my mind raced towards how much there is to learn. So, the rest of the week, I spent time learning about AI/ML, algorithms, finance, and other random skills to become a great founder when that time comes. I am still studying the basics, but will get there in due time.

December 21st - Today: Stoicism

Since right before Christmas, I’ve mentally decided to take on the voices in my head and assert my will over them. In multiple facets of life, I felt undisciplined. In order to make change and pursue my life goal of helping as many people as possible, I needed to help myself first. So, I made it my personal mission.

Part of those voices told me how small I got. In early November during my first max day cycle, I squatted 475, benched 365, and deadlifted 525. After the health crisis, I lost at least 40% of my power in each lift and looked like a string bean. So, I hired a bodybuilding coach to help me put size back on and, to really demonstrate the mental evolution, I plan on competing in a bodybuilding show by the end of the year. It’d be just for fun, but also, one hell of a time. Another thing I’ve taken up consistently to improve is meditation. I’ve done it in spurts before, but in 2023, I haven’t missed a day. It’s so much easier to take on challenges, even within your mind, when spiritually protecting yourself and vetting out every possible option. 

In terms of work, I’ve wanted to collaborate with others for a long while. At first, I thought becoming a YouTuber was the only thing to express creativity. That still will happen, but not yet. I started writing with six other investors and one other founder in a group called Noted, where we cover different angles of the startup ecosystem. With being at an accelerator, I see a significant amount of companies and bring a much different value add to the table. The unique angles of the early-stage ecosystem are covered by the group, and with so many diverse personalities, too!

—

I’m in Texas today for my 23rd and was able to go to Vegas for the start of the new year. Man, I missed being on the road. On a side note, this is my third consecutive year being in a new city on my birthday and I hope to keep that trend going next year, too. I’m excited for the jumpman year; it’s about to be a great one!

Episode XIII: Thanksgiving Update/The Patterns

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I have an incredible amount to be thankful for. Exactly six months ago, I graduated from Princeton. Today, I will happily share that I was promoted to be a Team Lead at Newchip. In this blog, I’ll share with you a not-so-new lesson I’ve re-learned in my first few months in the VC space and where it’s applied in the startup world.

Oh, and by the way, I’m hiring one more person for my team. Full details on what I’m personally looking for in a candidate and a way to stand out at the bottom (marked by —__—).

https://www.linkedin.com/jobs/search/?currentJobId=3341242189&keywords=newchip%20accelerator

—

I’ll begin with the lesson itself: patterns are everywhere. For some reason, I’ve always loved looking at patterns. My obsession with patterns began in 2006 when I entered a science fair at Desert Sun Elementary School. Here’s where the science fair idea came from.

In the house my brother and I grew up in, we had a forward-facing mirror and two side mirrors on the walls above our bathroom counter. I used to step on a stool to look in the main mirror, then stand on the counter to see the side mirrors. It was always fun to stare into the infinite abyss of parallel objects. Every morning, I wondered why the picture would always look the same if you looked directly in the middle of the side mirrors. 

That equal reflection of light on glass made me mesmerized with the concept of infinite and beyond. I then wondered if infinite could go backwards, too. So, I tested it by taking parallel mirrors and snaking some dominoes between them to see the infinite reflection of them falling. Did this prove the concept?

Short answer: yes. 

Longer answer: if you were perfectly in the middle not interfering with the mirrors’ reflectivity (which was impossible), it technically would go on forever. Was there a visible delay between mirror frames reflecting off of each other? Definitely not. Could you see the dominos’ reflection enough times to know it would go on forever from that middle point? Yes. So, I concluded that you could see the same snake pattern the dominoes fell in infinitely. 

That experiment won the science fair. The following year, I wanted to enter it again. Interesting story into how I got into that project.

Scottsdale never snowed, but the one day in my entire childhood I saw snow (and when I say snow, I mean maybe half an inch), the snowflakes had an exact pattern to them. It was fascinating that the same patterns appeared everywhere in an item, but I lost sight of where those patterns originally came from.

So, I went hunting for the patterns. How could I test it, though? I didn’t know; I was seven.

Instead of doing what most normal kids would do, I started researching how I could prove that there were patterns in the universe from snowflakes. Eventually, I learned that those patterns in snowflakes were called fractals. 

How could I test it? Could I freeze and save a snowflake if I caught two of them? Would photos work? I researched for a month to try and find a way to prove that fractals existed everywhere, but couldn’t come up with a viable enough solution like the previous year.

So, while I didn’t submit a final project, I did recognize one thing:

Patterns are everywhere. You just have to find them.

————————

It’s February of 2011. I’m at Cal Ripken baseball camp trying out for a 14U team. There’s a 6’4” lefty on the mound, I’m playing second baseman in a scrimmage, and am utterly confused as to how he whipped the ball across the mound with such force or if he’s even in the right league. The dude was MILES better than everyone else, throwing 77 MPH at thirteen years old. Because I was the youngest player there, more eyes were on me to perform at second while he was pitching or else I’d be back down playing with kids my age.

There was a runner on first with one out in the scrimmage; there were two twins playing shortstop and first base, with the left-handed twin playing shortstop and the right-handed twin playing first. The pitch comes from the man-child on the mound, and the ball shoots to the ground. It’s a roller.

“Great, double pl—!”

Then, the ball shoots back up and to my left. What? I’d never seen that bounce with a baseball before.

You’d think I’m in a Naruto episode or making excuses for an error with how I’ve set this up, but I’m not.

Without hesitation, I sprung out for the ball, barely grasp it with my black oversized Mizuno glove, get on a knee, whip it to the lefty twin, who whips it back to his righty brother, and we have a 4-6-3 double play.

The next thing I know, coaches are giving me fistbumps and I’m up to bat.

In the dugout, the lefty twin asked me how I read the bounce. He was significantly bigger than me being in the eighth grade. Then, I remembered.

In the house I grew up in, the wooden front door had jagged curves in the middle. Every time I saw a different bounce, I’d take a mental picture of the spin to react to the ball. When I saw the bounce, it became instinct because of the unkiltered bounces off the door. So, I saw it before and reacted to it.

Now, I’m up to bat at the plate. First pitch comes in low and inside. Ball. After the ump called a ball, I instantly knew he was throwing a curveball next pitch and my tail wagged like a dog with a bone.

My dad was a baseball player growing up and used to throw me curveballs in the backyard. If you wait for the ball to move down and to the right, the ball will paint the plate. So, when he threw a curve, I waited. 

As soon as I felt it would break over the plate, BOOM. The ball goes flying off of the barrel left and up and away, hugging the outfield line.

Please stay in!

Sure enough, it did. I was eleven hitting 335 ft home runs off of a fourteen year old, but only because I knew the pattern of how the ball moved.

There are always patterns to find.

___

In the real world, I help founders. I was a founder over COVID and chose working at Newchip to understand the startup ecosystem independent of industry, vertical, and geographic location. I’ve seen a lot of patterns from both the investor’s and founder’s sides of the coin; my job gives me a rare opportunity to do so and survey the action live. Here are some observations I’ve made.

I argue that the best logical decisions are paired with data and intuition. The only course of action that removes value from data is instinct; for example, every metric in the world pointed to a fantastic economic landscape in January 2020, but the pandemic then hit and altered the course of business forever.

While the example might sound a little vague, I left it vague because the start-up world is still feeling the repercussions of a shifted economy. Venture capital funding boomed in 2021 over the pandemic; however, many of the investment theses are shifting to a later-stage focus by increasing their allocated capital to already established businesses. Thus, these next six weeks will be the toughest time in the past 20 years to get fundraised as an early-stage startup.

There is no one singular right answer to solving a problem. The best founders are those who are solving a problem in the most efficient way for a business, consumer, or government. The use case of a product or service will always change because consumer trends will always alter over time. For example, if Apple stopped updating how they made the iPhone, their model would become obsolete relative to other companies like Samsung or Google. Competition raises the bar for how many problems a company can solve; companies that consistently grow consistently resolve problems for customers over time.

For founders, it’s difficult to start a company in a recession because there’s less money to play with in the market just starting out. However, those who become relevant during troubling times will have a formidable use case that thrives in a different market. For anyone considering building out an idea, now is a great time to test the waters in a cost-efficient manner. Nothing beats traction in the startup game, especially in today’s market, so it can’t hurt to try.

I’ve never gotten a dopamine thrill like the one I get from the startup ecosystem. Asking people how I can help is a joy because there’s so many different ways for me to create value for both them and me. In a very short time period, the startup ecosystem has started to make sense because of the massive sample size I’m seeing. At Newchip, we help over 600 startups learn what it takes to succeed and connect them to investors. When you sit back and listen, you can learn an incredible amount. So, I pride myself on being a great listener to create value for both investors and founders.

—__—

Sometimes, you just have to wait on the curveball to cross the plate and then swing for the fences. I’m putting myself in a position to play some ball and knock it out of the park to help as many people as possible, but can’t do this without the right team. If you have an itch to enter the VC space, help founders, and want to fulfill a massive learning appetite with room for vertical growth in your career, I’m hiring for one more spot. 

Here’s what the Investor Relations Analyst role entails. Remote work is best. The LinkedIn description above has most points, but I’ll explain the three crucial parts of the role.

1. Outreach. Every day, your job will rely upon how many phone calls or investor connections you can make. Newchip has many talented founders that investors want to see and offers deal flow for free; it’s your job to see how many investors you can talk to so you can help the most founders. The more phone calls you set up, the more founders in our accelerator you can help.

2. Investor Calls. Since the role is heavily reliant upon the relationships we build with investors, understanding how to help an investor while on the phone is arguably the most integral part of the role.

3. Founder Calls. At Newchip, the Investor Relations department supports founders receiving our services along their fundraising journey. Making sure they have everything they need in their journey on the phone is one of my favorite parts of the role because we actively learn how to help in further detail.

Here’s what I’m qualitatively looking for in a candidate to join my team:

1) Undying curiosity. 

Curiosity is essential to studying the startups that enter our accelerator and figuring out how to create value. The most successful analysts align their curiosities about the startup world with their role by setting up phone calls that help them personally learn and founders along the way. The more curious you are, the more you will learn within the role.

2) Adaptability.

As Newchip continues to grow, our processes will constantly change. The avenues of opportunity cannot be capitalized if one doesn’t change their processes to be as efficient as possible. As stated earlier, the best companies solve the most problems. My department is constantly innovating to eliminate fundraising problems for founders, so adapting to efficiency remains a vital element to success.

3) Personality.

The people who make the best relationships with both investors and founders aren’t afraid to demonstrate who they are to others. Many VC’s receive free deal flow; what makes their experience with Newchip more valuable is the relationship they can build to receive that tailored deal flow. Our department has many personable people that truly understand who they are and makes working a true joy. Show us who you truly are when you apply.

4) Passion.

If you’re not driven, then this role isn’t for you. I want the people at Newchip to feel so personally aligned with the mission, that nothing will stop them on their journey to helping founders. Passion is irreplaceable; it’s felt by everyone, and I need that energy on my team. I want people that will maximize who they are, learn as much about startups as possible, and adapt to innovative methods of efficiency with a positive energy.

If you’ve made it to the end, I’m giving you an opportunity to stand out amongst the crowd of applicants. Record a two minute video describing what exactly drives you, who you really are, why you love startups, and how you’ve adapted to a situation. Send me a video message on Instagram @lukeaschenbrand, Twitter @lukeaschenbrand, or my LinkedIn and I’ll watch every single video sent. 

Show me who you truly are if you want to work for me. Looking forward to seeing the responses!

PS: I wouldn’t be enjoying this role as much as I have if I didn’t already have an incredible team. I’m very thankful for these men coming in and working their tails off with me.

Alec Kremins started at Newchip two weeks ago and is already a top-performing analyst. He is a recent graduate of the University of Michigan Ross School of Business, immensely passionate about inspiring young talent to start their own successful companies, and helping current founders and operators practice mindfulness.

Scotland Butler is one of the the most personable and dedicated people I’ve met at Newchip. Outside of Newchip, Scotland is a co-founder for an AI EdTech startup out of Nigeria helping women enter the tech space. In his free time, he loves riding my bicycles around Austin, playing disc golf, making music, and acting.

Alex Uys is one of the sharpest men I’ve ever met. An adventurer in life, born and raised in Brooklyn, NYC, he has used the city as a home base from which to explore the far corners of the globe. Alex loves talking to founders and investors with that spark in their eyes. Outside of Newchip, some of his favorite activities are skydiving, motorcycling, surfing, off-roading, and camping. Alex loves languages, with working proficiency in Spanish and conversational Arabic. Alex is a writer at heart  – he studied English at Bowdoin College along Maine’s rugged coastline.

Episode XII: You Are Not Broken.

Pain. Loneliness. Emptiness. Anger. Sorrow. Embarrassment.

Hatred. Envy. Lust. Powerlessness.

These are the umbrella of emotions many endure on a daily basis.

Now, only look at the first letter of each word above.

PLEASE HELP.

My point?

In the midst of a dark spectrum of emotions is a person crying out for help. Why can’t people be there to see it?

If you caught the puzzle immediately, you were able to crack through the surface. Congratulations! But not everyone can do that.

The only way we can break through to the core of our dark emotions is by calling out for help.

All of us. Collectively.

If you really can crack through the surface, you really can discern the cries for help by the look in a person’s eye. Even an autist like me can see through the smoke.

The pain in a person’s eyes tells a story far greater than their actions and words can ever say. Sometimes, you just know.

One of my best friends told me he was a broken person. I’m showing you today why he and we are not.

There are three key things to note about humanity. 

1. Humans are creatures of habit.

2. There is a massive difference between emotion and thought.

3. Time always moves forward.

I’ll break down why each one is true and how to use it to your advantage.

-

1. Humans are creatures of habit.

This is especially accurate when it comes to the way we experience things. As we go on in life, we see many new things, and the way that we go about them derives from patterns that are cultivated by our previous experiences.

Let me provide an example of habits that differs for everyone: upbringing. 

There are five types of parenting, each having a massive impact on your behavioral habits (links at the end):

1. Authoritarian parents are those that require obedience no matter what the child thought or felt. By enforcing rules with no consideration, children can feel a lack of independence and have a hard time making decisions. Also, since there is no form of validation, two gut instincts many children will have are to rebel or hold themselves to a lower self-esteem.

2. Authoritative parents are those that lead by example, consider their children’s thoughts and feelings, set guidelines that enforce successful habits, and emphasize communication. If this was the way you were raised, your parents have placed you in a position to communicate well, be confident, know what is or isn’t right, and be emotionally balanced.

3. Permissive parents are those who treat their child like an equal, but do not place boundaries or punish children for their mistakes. Since permissive parents emotionally support children, many children will be very confident in themselves and have great social skills. However, one common trait for permissive parents is bribery, which leads to necessary external validation for their children. Also, with relaxed parenting comes a lack of discipline for most children, which can lead to bad habits. For example, a common behavioral habit is impulsive decision-making. Who’s going to stop them from doing it and considering all the options?

4. Overprotective parents are those who prevent harm, emotional distress, failure, disappointment, and sadness through strict rules and a reward/punishment system. While overprotection does keep the child safe and their academic expectations are typically high, a lack of preparation for the child follows because compliance prevails over communication. Bad habits that children can develop are lying to not break rules, being timid because their parents were timid, manipulating situations to get the biggest reward, and not doing the right thing because of the rewards/punishment system.

5. Uninvolved parents are those who provide no sort of structure for children and leave children to their own devices. One thing to note is that there is a difference between a busy parent and an uninvolved one; just because one doesn’t have the time to physically provide doesn’t mean they don’t care. Intent makes a massive difference. While children of uninvolved parents are independent in many regards, the lack of guidance can lead to a lack of social cues, which means trouble in school or with the law in many contexts.

If you want more info about different parenting styles, here are a few links.

https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045

https://www.parentingforbrain.com/overprotective-parents/

As you can tell, there are many subconscious patterns that develop as a byproduct of your upbringing. This isn’t to say that those traits always apply to you, though. Each person builds their own patterns of existence throughout time regardless of parenting style.

To be clear, my point isn’t about upbringing. It’s about habits. Since we are creatures of habit, the first step to changing them is recognizing their origin. 

When you change your habits, you obtain a new perspective and can alleviate yourself from the darkness. People will help you break those habits if you’re honest and transparent about them.

It’s a tricky path to break old habits, though. It takes time and a conscious effort. A high school basketball coach told me it takes 17 days to make a new habit, and I’ve lived by it since I was fourteen years old.

Making a change in your daily existence is difficult, especially when there are emotions involved. I wouldn’t know what you or anyone else is going through. However, what I do know is that making one small change at a time goes a long, LONG way.

Here’s a personal example.

In my junior spring of college, I wrangled with anxiety, depression, and manic episodes when the things going on in my internal and external world were both horrible. My friends, professors, teammates, and coaches knew it, and I did, too.

To keep it brief, those things led to a sense of helplessness I never experienced before and will never experience again. My habits did not allow for mental clarity at that time, and both my grades and play on the field suffered. While my mental standards didn’t lower, my physical and intellectual capability to perform did.

When I played football, I used to watch all-time greats go to war on the field. Deion Sanders is my favorite corner of all time, and his most famous quote is, “If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you play good. If you play good, they pay good.” In the midst of a mental health battle I thought I’d never win, I realized that feeling good started with a shower in the morning.

I’m not kidding. Something as small as taking showers in the morning got me out of the hole. I consciously felt better, so I played better and my grades went up.

I also wear the golden-colored hair as my war stripes for surviving that mental place. There’s a reason why I won’t get rid of it. Start with the small things, and big changes will happen. 

2. There is a massive difference between emotion and thought.

This second bullet will allow you to understand the depths of your emotions and move past points of inflection.

I’m unsure of if you are aware of the difference, but it’s BIG.

A thought is an idea that suddenly occurs in the mind. All humans have thoughts; they’re necessary to understand who you are and how to handle situations.

Emotions are a feeling your body generates based on a thought. The longer you’re in a singular thought, the more chemicals your brain and body will build up; they can also intensify if you either stay on that thought or further cultivate your thought to match the chemical buildup. 

Recognizing the difference between an idea and the feeling behind an idea is necessary to grow. If you allow external factors or internal conflicts to interfere with your thought pattern, then you won’t be able to do your best thinking.

If your mind constantly moves through each thought and focuses on where the thought goes, then feelings cannot interfere. It takes practice, but if you can focus, you can do it.

This applies to who you are as a person.

It’s very easy to distract yourself with your emotions. If a thought is too unbearable, then your feelings will block your ability to arrive at your end goal. 

If life seems too painful, you can surely distract yourself. You can lose sobriety in an effort to escape your demons, but when you wake up in the morning, the thoughts will still be there. 

Thoughts don’t leave your mind until you figure them out. Face those demons head-on independent of emotion and wrangle with the thoughts to grow. If you can’t separate the two, and a thought is an inflection point that you can never move past, you are inducing yourself into a state of trauma. 

I studied trauma at school as part of my degree and have been traumatized in many ways, even by my own doing. If you’ve made mistakes, know that it’s never too late to be the person you want to be. 

This leads me to my third point:

3. Time always moves forward.

If you look at a timeline of your existence, you will always be in the present and the future will always be the same distance away from your present moment. The present becomes the past, and the future becomes your present moment.

If you have relegated thoughts from the past and haven’t healed from those things, you’re pulling yourself farther and farther away from your own present moment. The past will always stay stagnant, and relative to your life now, it’ll only move further and further away from you. 

Time is something you can never get back, but when you realize that there are lessons to be learned from the things in your past, you can bounce back from anything to return to the present moment. 

I needed to spend an extensive amount of time healing from the things that have happened in my past to be in the present moment. If I didn’t heal, I wouldn’t be writing this today.

I thought I was a broken person many times in my college career and life. Part of what allowed me to recognize the finite amount of time we have on this planet was processing uncontrollable outcomes in my past so I could live in the present and build my own future.

I processed everything in my past by writing a play. 

I know many people saw the podcast I tried to make in the spring, The Spicy Stand Podcast. It was a flop; the quality didn’t match my intent for mental health change. Guess where the idea for the podcast came from?

The play that I wrote. I wrote what I consider to be my Magnum Opus in a play called The Spicy Stand as part of my theater minor. I was set to act it out on February 20th at a show called the New Works Festival to obtain the certificate, but ended up falling one class short and was yanked from the show. 

It sucked. The classes were full that I wanted to take, but so be it.

My teammates knew how important it was for me once I retained consciousness to get it done, but I didn’t tell them why. The real reason why I wrote it out the way that I did was to heal from my past and understand the depths of who I am as a person.

It was a culmination of everything I learned up until I decided to walk away from football. I wrote, quite simply, with intense thought, analyzed every angle, and healed from the past by doing so. From being bullied as a kid to the struggles I endured in college, it all came together in one piece. 

Writing about my past allowed me to live in the present moment. I had no questions because I went soul searching to heal and figured it out.

Now, I live fully in the present and am actively helping people at Newchip and with nonprofit work to build my future. Life feels tangible, and I am in the driver’s seat. The past is SO hard to process. I know it and so do you. But time always moves forward, and if you can’t learn from the past, you can’t be in the present to build your future.

-

Peace. Love. Excitement. Appreciation. Success. Empowerment.

Happiness. Enlightenment. Leadership. Pride.

Again, what does it spell? PLEASE HELP.

These are the emotions at the end of the tunnel if you change your habits, flow between emotion and thought, and are in the present moment. 

You are not broken. Please help yourself be the person you want to be, go after what’s yours in this world, and NEVER look back.

Episode XI: Intuition

Before we get to intuition, ask yourself: how do you make decisions?

I’m going to discuss the different ways in which you can lead with thought and what intuition is in this episode of iSight.

Leading with thought is a more complex chain of conclusions where one creates multiple steps in their head to get to an outcome. For example, if you are to play a game of chess, thought is required to understand the chain of moves that could occur based on where the pieces are at. In many work situations, the way to get to the best outcome is using thought instead of emotion.

Thought is something that you can train. Your mind is a very powerful weapon if you’re thoughtful. 

There are two different types of thinking, and a third that combines the two: qualitative, quantitative, and mixed method thinking. 

Qualitative thinking requires conclusions based on interpretation, experience, and language. For example, if you watch a video on YouTube or TikTok, you are qualitatively assessing the video through your own experience. While a social media algorithm can generate a sense of popularity on the video and know whether or not to show that video on more people’s feeds, computers won’t know how it feels or what you thought of the video because your understanding of it is based on how you interpreted it. 

Meanwhile, quantitative thinking is the ability to put events into numbers. Quantitative thinking relies on how one can understand a chain of logical events expressed through numbers. Humans have become so good at understanding the physical world with numbers that we have taught computers exactly how to process these chains of events.

I’ve started to work with some tech companies at Newchip, and one thing I can truly appreciate is how we can generate such an excellent quantitative understanding of the world. I was always good with numbers, but the things we have processed quantitatively have went so far beyond what was possible and what I knew, especially over the past thirty years.

However, computers aren’t at a point to process more than the human brain yet. Humans still reign supreme over tech. Since I regained the ability to consciously think in October 2021, I’ve emphasized how to become qualitatively and quantitatively stronger as a thinker.

Here’s how I’ve re-sharpened my brain since then.

Qualitative:

1. Reading: I’ve come to appreciate how detailed and refined a great piece of literature is since last year. In my academic studies, most philosophers oriented their work with logic-based thinking to generate their argument; however, since I had to process their work in words instead of numbers, what I learned from that logic was done qualitatively. If I’m to read a book series like Harry Potter, then the imagery, storyline, and feel of the book provide an experience for us, the reader, to feel. Both styles of book provide a different skillet to process it, but both are done with qualitative thinking.

2. Writing: Another reason why I’m writing iSight is to constantly refine my ability to qualitatively present real-world experiences. I truly do intend to cover what most eyes can’t see. I also have to write lots of emails at work (as many people with white-collared jobs do), wrote plenty of philosophy at Princeton (which I’d also like to do again in the future), and write a pretty extensive journal.

3. Appreciating minor details: When you try something new, you see new things. I’ve never left the US (which will change soon) and stayed home in Arizona after graduation, but notice more and more the smaller details of the state I’m in. For example, I went on a walk in a part of Phoenix I’ve never been to this week and saw a park. There was a new toy at the park where kids walked on a platform with red and blue blocks that snapped up and down. I saw a little boy fall off of the toy four times, tried it, and also fell off. Noticing it required an awareness of the place I was walking in; eventually, I understood how to finish walking on it, but noticing it and how to walk across it took some qualitative thinking.

Quantitative:

1. Chess: Chess is a game that entirely relies upon seeing the board and quantitatively assessing the best move. I don’t have a perfectly clear photographic memory, but am decently close to having one. So, the game comes pretty easy. Am I good anymore? No, not really. But the more I’ve played, the better I’ve gotten. I’m open to play with anyone, and hope that you also use the game to get better at quantitatively processing situations.

2. Using Excel: Excel is all numbers. Knowing how to make spreadsheets and connect the dots on what those numbers do is all too important in the business world. I don’t use it as often as my peers, but can do the basics. Practicing it in the workforce gets your mind more used to quantitative thinking.

3. Physics: I’ve come to appreciate the forces that make the world move the way it does, and have done a couple of personal studies on physics. Since we have an excellent understanding of the physical world, taking the time to study it in bits and pieces pushes your quantitative mind to grasp a better sense of reality. I first started to study this in a class at school, and have expanded on it when my dopamine allows.

Now that I have discussed the two main ways of thinking, I will briefly describe mixed method thinking. Mixed method thinking is any process where you must qualitatively and quantitatively process a situation to come up with the best solution.

For example, part of my job is to make sure investors meet companies and founders that match what they’re looking for. In terms of company, many investors ask about financials to match their investment thesis, which required quantitative thinking. Some investors also ask about their origin and experience, which are entirely qualitative metrics. So, I must use mixed method thinking to most effectively do my job.

I don’t have ways to train mixed method thinking because it is something that must be done on the fly. Your ability to qualitatively and quantitatively think will combine in real-time situations for mixed method thinking. 

One thing to note about mixed method thinking is: the solution will not come to you instantly. It takes time to process both qualitative and quantitative thinking.

But what if you do find it instantly? 

That’s what intuition is.

Intuition is when you instantly process a situation and know exactly what to do. Sometimes, the conclusions you come up with don’t make sense when you take the time to think it out, but when your gut tells you something, LISTEN. Intuitions are immediate while mixed method thinking takes time. 

Let me give you an example of intuition. My dad and I were playing golf three weeks ago, and it was a perfectly sunny day. I had a weird intuition that it was going to POUR. My gut told me, “GET OFF THE COURSE!” So, I did. I grabbed my bag off of the golf cart, no words asked, and started walking to the clubhouse. 

My dad thought I was mad because I didn’t say a single word; however, literally four minutes later, the rain alarm went off and six minutes after that, the entire sky went gray and it started to pour. There was not a SINGLE cloud in the sky, the Weather app said there was a zero percent chance of rain that day, and then it poured.

When walking, I questioned why my gut said to get out. When I heard the horn go off, I had my answer.

Intuition is something that you have to trust. Sometimes, your intuition will go against everything that you take time to qualitatively and quantitatively process. Even when it makes zero sense, trust it. Most of the anxiety and regret I hold in life comes from a lack of action upon my intuition. It’s literally that powerful.

How will you know if you have an intuition?

Well, one way it appears is if you have the gut feeling. It’s the stereotypical method, but the most common form. Another form is vivid dreaming. If you dream that something is going to happen, remember it. 

If it feels like a lightbulb went off in your head thinking about something for a long time, it’s probably your intuition telling you the answer. If you’re energetically aware of the things around you, you’ll probably have an intuitive thought because you’ll process the energy faster than the information around you.

Intuition is something that I can tangibly feel. I live by intuition. When they happen (which is often), I act immediately on them. Questioning intuition leads to a worse outcome; trust it when you have one and you’ll forever prosper.

-

I’m grateful to have the opportunity to keep writing about things I’ve seen. I want to hear your thoughts on it, so shoot me a message and I’ll gladly discuss this piece!

Episode X: Life Update and a Brief Study on Personality

It has become inherently clear that my blog needs to make a return. Let’s start with an update of this summer after leaving Princeton.

At the start of the summer, I took a trip to Las Vegas to celebrate my mother’s birthday. I’ve posted a couple of photos from the trip on my Instagram account. On the surface, it might seem like another rich kid enjoying luxurious things; however, I learned an important lesson in that short time period: stop worrying about things you cannot control.

Part of the reason why I started writing iSight is because I was worried about not being able to help other people with the things I’ve learned. On that trip, those questions went away. The revelation occurred when I played my best round of golf since before my senior year of college.

Golf questions occurred in my head while at school because I couldn’t play in the fall. Fortunately, senior spring of college provided some opportunities to play with other athletes. One of those people I consistently played with is a damn good basketball player who just grad transferred to another school. He and I played at least six times; I beat him the first time, but he beat me in each of the last five rounds. Why? 

Because I was questioning if I could beat him every round after the first one. My main thought when playing wasn’t even the game. It was questioning my own capabilities.

My mindset switched in Vegas. When you’re feeling it, you’re feeling it; one of those rounds was occurred where I could do no wrong. I was +2 through fifteen holes, on pace to beat my record (+4). Then, I started to question the score. I still ended up shooting +6, but recognized the difference in approach early in the summer and didn’t let it happen again.

The rest of my summer after Vegas was spent golfing. All summer long, I played consistently well. My peak round was shooting 75 (+3), and my average round out of 36 total legitimate rounds was an 84.2. Four rounds didn’t count because I took lie improvements on bad days. I played every course from the tips, no mulligans (if I took one, it added two stokes), no lie improvements, and no gimmes.

_

Another facet of life I had to answer was career. Most of my friends had jobs that started while I was unemployed, and it ATE at me. With this first role, what really mattered?

Content creation was the first idea had at school with the end goal of helping people, but was it the only option I liked? 

Most certainly not. Venture capital, consulting, and startups were also enticing options.

Not getting a job immediately after graduation answered many questions. With the first role out of college, people in my sphere of influence took roles that paid the best. After speaking to them a month they started, I decided that salary was insignificant in my search because many were unhappy with their situation. So, my perspective changed.

I wanted to work in a role where I could learn as many different things as possible and fulfill all of my intellectual curiosities. I liked venture capital, content creation, consulting, and startups. Were there any roles where I could do all four?

Sure enough, there was. I found a solution for all four aspects of my career-based curiosities in Newchip. The Newchip Accelerator takes companies that are in need of help from all sorts of different stages, gets and provides them the help they need, and introduces them to venture capital firms. 

Part of my job is reaching out to investors on social media platforms. So, I can study social media algorithms in further depth along with understanding the different desires of founders, industries, and investors. Along with that, Newchip is remote; their business model was designed to be seamless for any person across the globe, and I certainly believe that their reach will exponentially grow in the very near future.

_

When interviewing with Newchip, one significant portion of the process was taking a personality aptitude test. I had never taken one before, but was curious to understand more about the significance of who someone is in the workforce. Last week, one of my close friends mentioned the 16 Types Personality Test to me, the dots connected, and I have been fascinated ever since.

One aspect of humanity I didn’t consider enough was personality. There are intensely strong correlations between someone’s personality and how their brain functions. I’m gonna provide a link below for you to take it, and full explanations of each type are on the website.

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Here’s an example of why personalities can matter so much.

My close friend is a genius with a very different personality. While I primarily consider where people are emotionally at in relation to my goal, he takes a more objective stance following the same intuition. 

Let’s say that we are both selling t-shirts over the phone. We both have logical reasons as to why the customer should believe our clothing is better; we both come to the same reasoning necessary for the customer by instinct. However, he would use the thoughts and logic behind the product itself as the first step while I would emotionally appeal to the consumer as the first step. 

My example could be circumstantially understood as logic being necessary first or emotional appeal being necessary first to sell t-shirts effectively; however, because we are both intuitive, we would immediately sense the customer’s primary form of appeal. 

Thus, we are stating what would come first as a baseline with our personality: he appeals with logic while I appeal with emotion. Both of us are going to end up selling shirts well because we know what information is necessary to sell the clothes, but how we present the info is inherently different because of our contrasting personalities. 

_

Overall, I’m very glad that I took some time to figure things out and step away from the screen. It feels amazing to have a clearer sense of purpose and direction, and I hope to create long-lasting value along the way.

As I gain new experiences, I’ll be able to cover more of what the eye can’t see. Shoot me a message with your thoughts on this episode!

Episode IX: Graduation (but I’m not Kanye)

The time leading up to graduation was riveting.

Princeton makes sure seniors end their time as students with a bang. They first see three days of reunions and then enjoy a three-day-long graduation ceremony immediately after.

Reunions were the most electric three days I’ve ever seen. The campus seemed like a cult with the orange and black around, and every alum was filled with joy. 

Forty thousand people marching down Elm Street is something I couldn’t have possibly imagined in my wildest dreams before Saturday. Now, I know why the alums are so happy to come back.

The first part of the graduation ceremony is the baccalaureate. While many people I know didn’t go, Wendy Kopp made the hot and sticky Chapel a precious experience. 

Her message? Stick to your mission.

Wendy’s mission was to reform the American education system, so she created Teach for America and wrote her Princeton senior thesis about it. Three years into founding her company, she almost left to take a high-paying job.

What kept her going? Her mission. The regret of not helping the youth would loom over her forever, and one conversation with her team kept her going. 

So, after today, I must not lose sight of my mission. This realization made me reflect on my mission for the past four years: making it to today.

The second day of the graduation ceremony was Class Day, featuring Dr. Fauci, the head of the CDC. His speech was littered with excellent advice on taking calculated risks moving forward, the same sentiment as Mrs. Kopp. The weather was beautiful, and my parents came to see him speak. Talk about a great day.

This leads to commencement. Many thoughts ran through my head before stepping on stage, but the central theme was reflecting on my experience.

As a student, I saw the hardships life presented at Princeton as detrimental. There were so many bumps in the road that I never thought graduation would come. 

As a graduate, I’m thankful that the journey wasn’t easy. This place made me ready for literally anything that the world can offer. Pandemic? No problem. Life-altering injury? No problem. Been there, done that.

I told myself that college would be where I turned into a man as a kid. Well, I was right, and I have evolved in the face of adversity to meet any challenge because Princeton teaches us to do that.

What about this place makes us strive to go above and beyond? In short, it’s the people.

Every person I’ve met in my four years here is insanely competitive. We all seek to achieve the best possible life for ourselves, and there’s a reason why Princeton selected my graduating class as candidates for admission.

When you see the people around you doing great things, it inspires you to keep going. To my classmates reading, you showed me that anything is possible. I will forever be grateful for the atmosphere you created, and I’m excited to see you change the world.

Speaking of people, my professors and coaches intellectually challenged me to my limits in each class I took and practice that I participated in. When they demand the best from you, you have no choice but to give it your all and grow over time.

These same professors and coaches were reasonable, caring, and wise. Princeton’s academic opportunities are limitless because the people they choose will go to any extent for their students. Our athletics programs churn out championships because of the people leading young men and women into battle. They taught me so much in such a short time, and for that, I’m thankful. 

I came to Princeton as an eager and optimistic eighteen-year-old kid with no sense of self or independence. Princeton provided a shelter for me to intellectually, physically, and mentally evolve into the man I am today and want to move forward.

This couldn’t have happened without many late-night conversations with my closest friends on campus.

I wanted to fit in and feel like I belonged on campus as a freshman. Because of the friendships I’ve built here, I’ve embraced my unique personality and am a much happier person, not caring about the societal norm. They showed me that being myself is more important than any societal standard, and I cannot thank them enough.

Princeton was one incredible journey. I graduated from the best school in the country and did what I set out to do eleven years ago.

I’ve been enjoying life and taking a break from the internet to recoup mentally. This time has been incredible but has also left me wondering about what I can do to maximize my efforts when I’m back. 

More specifically, how can I optimize my time as I did at Princeton?

As I’ve stated in previous blogs, I have a lot of missions. One of them is making a change with my voice.

iSight is the most satisfying content to create, but I haven’t optimized my voice because not everyone who sees it will click on the blog.

So, I will be more active on Twitter as a starting point. I have a goal of tweeting every day for an extended period and will achieve it this summer.

This doesn’t mean that I’ll be done making blogs. iSight is reflective and necessary for my personal growth. I just will also use Twitter more often.

The next thing I want to do is make more YouTube videos. One of my personal goals is shooting under 75 in golf (3 over par through 18 holes or better), and until I start working, I will push my mind and body all summer long to achieve this feat. I will first be making content around golf since it is my hyperfocus.

Over the past couple of months, I was able to play some golf at school, but not with my clubs. I was just gifted a new set, and they took a couple of days to get used to.

In my first round of the summer on Friday, I shot 103. Two days later, I hit 85. Even then, I left a LOT of strokes on the course and should’ve shot lower.

Speaking of which, I have a round of golf in a little bit to get to. Thanks for taking the time to read!

Episode VIII: Attacking the Fear of Failure

In human psychology, the unknown is daunting.

The things that we haven’t experienced yet typically provide one of two reactions: joy or resentment.

Failure is an unknown that many long to endure. I am here to discuss it and how to navigate those feelings of resentment that come with failure.

While I may be graduating from Princeton next week with a plethora of good things going for me, I have most certainly failed.

Let me tell you about my biggest failure.

In my junior year of college, I started a restaurant delivery service company called Vaega with one of my classmates. We received funding to deliver more food to more people at a cheaper rate and saw its need over the pandemic. My co-founder and I planned to build a team to build and launch the product but needed the data from piloting it to prove that there was a need for our business model.

The restaurant delivery service industry contains massive companies like Uber Eats, Doordash, Grubhub, and Postmates. This model could have made us different if executed properly, and I was excited beyond belief.

Instead of getting food from two different restaurants in two orders, you could get it in one and dropped off in multiple spots with Vaega. That was our original customer value proposition. 

However, I saw parts of the model get integrated into the market before we could develop the product and team. In 2022, anyone can order food from multiple restaurants and split the payments with their friends through DoubleDash.

So, the niche into the market was gone. A major competitor had it in their model. With us only focusing on group orders in the earliest stages, Vaega looked like a catering business and missed its’ target demographic, college students.

That fear of failure was in the back of my mind for YEARS up until this point. 

The biggest failure that I had up until Vaega was losing in sports, so losing all of the hard work I put in was new to me because I got another chance with football to win the ivy Title this year.

When failure hit and Vaega shut down, I was at first devastated.

However, after some time internally reflecting, I didn’t see it as a failure anymore. I saw it as a learning lesson.

Regardless of if you succeed or fail, you will always have takeaways from an experience.

I have three takeaways to reflect upon failure internally.

1. DO NOT USE EMOTIONS FIRST.

When failure hits, the first thing that will naturally happen is internalizing the failure. Internalization causes the mind to naturally cope with the event through reactive emotions.

The most common reactive emotions when internalizing are anxiety and depression. If the failure happens to someone who fears it, the result could be even worse: trauma.

Trauma is when you internalize the feeling to the point where you can never move past it. 

Thus, by internalizing failures with emotions first, you unintentionally could cause the event to be a seemingly insurmountable mental pedestal.

If the emotions reach a point where trauma is a pedestal, I first recommend that you speak to a mental health specialist OR someone that you care about. Perspective is essential to who we are, and you are NOT alone (click for Episode I on Perspective).

An uncommon reaction is where emotions motivate someone to work harder. If this is your reactive emotion, then you will be inclined to do things at a higher level through hard work. This works excellently for some people (like Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant) because they swore to never fail again and had another chance to win championships.

However, some people never have the opportunity to redeem themselves from their failures. I certainly didn’t get another chance with Vaega because there was no opportunity in the market.

I accepted that Vaega wasn’t successful because I STOPPED leading with my emotions.

Emotions are a chemical reaction to a thought.

If emotions are the only thing leading your reactions, then you will perpetually repeat the failure in your head and feel the same thing.

So, to obtain new emotion, you need a new thought. Thinking is necessary to emotionally process failure, but there is a fine line.

If you think about everything else but the event, you cannot emotionally process failure because you cannot address it.

But if you think about only the event itself, you will have an emotional reaction and be stuck.

So, what can you think about without emotionally reacting to the fact that it happened?

2) POINT OUT THE SMALL STEPS.

Now, pointing out the small steps requires you to be in a place of mental neutrality or better.

To further elaborate on why, all thoughts cause humans to extend a certain vibration, which leads to emotions.

Your consciousness exerts a certain vibration through an electromagnetic field (like light or a sound wave) from what you say and do.

The amount of times that the frequency occurs per minute gives you a measurable unit in Hertz.

Neutrality requires your body to give the energy of 250 Hertz or greater (or 4.16 times per second). It allows you to play Devil’s Advocate and highlight every decision you make before failure. This is the minimum amount of energy necessary to use this method of analysis (click on red for full chart).

Full Map of Consciousness.

When you look at each step, remember what you felt and why you did something. Let me explain to you what this decision process was like with Vaega.

I spent time fundraising to get the company going and doing market research on how to make the product fit my target audience, college students. I also spent time talking to restaurant delivery service drivers and restaurants to add value to their business with my model.

I spent extra time learning how to code in HTML and CSS, make logos, and use photoshop in an effort to appear more professional as a company. 

I also spent extra time learning about how to make an optimization algorithm to quantify the planned pilot for tech developers in a future step.

Looking back at it, these steps (developing the tech and math behind it) were necessary to make the company a reality. However, time was not of the essence with a model like Vaega’s. 

These would seem like logical steps to get to the end goal of making a company, but the time it took to learn those skills would compromise the development of my business model.

Why did I want the skills? To execute the model myself as fast as possible.

Here’s the problem: the model needed to happen in a short amount of time. 

I made a model that relied on a feature, an optimization algorithm. I needed to prove that there was a need for the feature (it was economically and environmentally more efficient) to make the company work and had an instinct that someone else would think of it.

Notice how I didn’t mention the fact that I failed in every step of the analysis. 

It happened. So be it. 

But, as you can see, there were some changes I could have made in the process of getting to the end goal.

Focus on the steps that you took to get to the end goal instead of the fact that failure happened. Then, you can do this:

3) WRITE DOWN THE CORRECTIONS.

This is the biggest step to accepting failure. Once you recognize the steps you took and why you took them, find possible solutions to the same problem and write them down. 

My problem was that the steps I took were too time-consuming and were led by ego.

How could I have sped them up?

I found three main solutions: outsourcing, further fundraising, and team development.

Was my not outsourcing things I didn’t know how to do partially because I selfishly wanted the satisfaction of making Vaega? Yes.

Could I have been more aggressive with raising pre-seed funding? Also, yes. We had funding, but it wasn’t enough to make the whole product or team.

We looked for equity-based hires and partners to build Vaega with more technical experience but could not find the right person. We tried, but I know that I could have done more if I had exerted less energy on learning skills.

So, I wrote the corrections down and am now sharing them with you today.

Would these have actually led to Vaega becoming an app? Probably not. Four months is not a long time to fully develop a company, and by the time I did land more funding than I already had, Doordash would have already added part of the model to their app. 

But did I receive learning lessons moving forward? Absolutely.

All failures are learning lessons. It’s up to you how to learn from them moving forward. By leading without emotions first, recognizing the steps you took and writing down the corrections, you will know how to attack failure. Learn from me and gain some knowledge

Episode VII: Introversion vs. Extroversion. (ft. Miguel Opeña)

I hope you and your family had an excellent Mother’s Day.

My friend Miguel Opeña and I think about things very similarly, which is a rare treat that allows for incredibly deep conversations. Miguel runs a blog called Skeptical Futurist about robotics, computer science, and how we can make our future better. His link will be below the article.

One of those conversations was about being introverted vs. being extroverted. Are the two terms being vocal or quiet by nature, or is there something deeper than the label?

This requires a breakdown of the terms themselves. 

By definition, an extrovert is a more verbally expressive person, and an introvert is a shy, reticent person. 

Miguel appears to be introverted, and I appear to be extroverted to most people. He typically is shy, while I am more expressive.

But is that the end of the discussion? No. There is a lot more to the “extrovert” and “introvert” labels.

When I express myself to others, including people that I do not know, I do so for a reason. Sometimes, the reason is ridiculous. But the fact of the matter is that there is an intention. 

Why does intention matter? Let me tell you from Miguel’s lens. 

Miguel is more selective than I am about the concept of meeting new people. He always meets new people with an intention and can become extroverted when necessary. It shouldn’t be natural for him to pick up a conversation as an introvert, but it is. Why? 

Miguel engineered his social battery. If he has an intention, whether it be social or personal, he will take the initiative and start the conversation. 

Miguel wants to become a leader because it’s a part of his mission. He always has missions.

I’ve known Miguel since before college and can attest that he is an introvert by nature. When we went to San Fran together, I watched him break out of his shell and discuss high-level concepts with very influential people because he had one goal: learn. 

Miguel is a selfishly creative person. Everything has a higher purpose, including his social interactions. He adapts his tendencies and becomes more extroverted to make an impact.

What does this say about intention? Intention transcends to become habit. 

Intention becomes routine, and routine becomes a habit to where reaching out isn’t a have-to anymore. Miguel and I agree on this.

Because he made it a habit to reach out, the natural social fears that come with being introverted disappeared. 

However, I am a little different than Miguel. I am extroverted but also become easily overwhelmed in group situations.

I used to force myself in group conversations and did not fully express my personality. The intention was to be a part of that group and, most times, I missed out on contributing positively.

Part of this is because I (sometimes) have a short social battery.

I am aware of my social limitations and do not extend past my social battery. When that battery dies, both Miguel and I will completely shut down. 

What influences shutdowns? Surroundings.

Surroundings make a massive impact on social battery. 

For example, I can be introverted in groups with many different unknown energies because I observe the energy of a room, become overwhelmed by it, and shy away from contributing.

However, I will have no problem being myself in a quieter group setting like a library because the only energy I observe is at the library with me. 

The energy in a library group is finite. We all boost each other’s thoughts, initiate deeper thought, and maximize our intellectual efforts through discussion in libraries.

So, you will see my true self if the energy in the room is right. I trust my gut with the energy of a room and respond accordingly with when I go.

But sometimes, you can’t do that. What about in public situations?

I used to HATE public speaking. I used to be more extroverted naturally, but public speaking was my kryptonite. 

Then, I started taking acting classes to let my body and mind flow regardless of the energy in a room. 

Acting was probably the most beneficial class for my personal development. Let me give you an example. 

One of my proudest feats in college was running a nonprofit. I was the President of Princeton Football’s Chapter of Uplifting Athletes for three years, a nonprofit that inspires hope for the rare disease community. Before our games against Penn, I spoke to the team to inform them about stickers to support the cause and what’s next within the chapter. My sophomore year was the first time that I had to do this, and I was NERVOUS. In fact, I was so nervous that I spun around in a circle and refused to get in front of the entire team after Coach Surace, my head coach, called me out. I stuttered, panicked, and my face went completely red.

Now, is this a result of being introverted? No. I just didn’t know how to present a message with confidence to a bigger group. What changed that? Acting classes. Not kidding. 

I took acting classes for three semesters and developed the confidence to speak to any amount of people regardless of the message. This November, I knew that the time to speak in front of the team was coming again. I was anxious. 

Should I have prepared for it? Yes. But did I? No. My brain wasn’t working because of the concussion.

But when the time came, I stepped up to the plate, looked the guys in the eye, did not stutter, and made the message clear for everyone in the huddle.

The only thing that changed was my confidence in sending a message.

Our point? Be fluid in social situations to maximize your energy.

Miguel and I think about the situation before getting into it and make a conscious decision on how to contribute to a room's energy positively. 

We, in short, engineer our social batteries with a plan of doing something and thinking about how to get more out of social interaction. 

But once it is time to socialize, being fluid about your energy and recognizing what other energies need will allow you to maximize both your presence and experience in a given moment. 

Be fluid, in the moment, and have the ability to be both social and quiet. 

Miguel’s Blog: https://medium.com/@openamiguel

Episode VI: What’s Next

Welcome back to iSight.

I finished my senior thesis about patience on April 4th and am in what other students call PTL (post-thesis life). If you are interested in reading my thesis, please let me know and I will upload it.

In college, I learned one big lesson:

If you’re going to be good at something, do everything asked of you to meet expectations. If you’re going to be great at something, build skills and take calculated risks to exceed expectations.

In football, those risks require a deep understanding of the game and the situation. For example, if a cornerback is covering a wide receiver, they must calculate where the quarterback will throw the ball, the receiver’s route, and their assignment in a specific scheme. Knowing these three things will allow them to take a calculated risk and use their technique to deflect or intercept the ball.

How do I apply this lesson moving forward? What’s next?

All people encounter this same problem regarding what’s next when graduating college. My long-term plan is to impact mental health, but what’s going to help me get there?

To take a calculated risk, I must develop a skillset. It takes years of constant practice and attention to detail to have them, but which ones are necessary to build my future?

I have identified three primary skills:

1. Data Analysis.

It is necessary for my future to understand data.

Financial data contains all information about companies and deals. Having financial data analysis as a skillset wouldn’t just mean that I mastered using Microsoft Excel, studying markets/other comparable corporations, and processing qualitative metrics (like a Profit & Loss statement) at a high level. 

Technical data is being able to read or make any data set from tech. Having technical data analysis wouldn’t just mean that I mastered some aspect of tech like coding or implementing AI at a high level. 

Instead, having each skill set means I can apply my number and tech knowledge to obtain a higher level of understanding. The deeper the conclusion my data analysis skill set allows me to find, the more of an impact I can make because the solution will be a lot more straightforward. 

I aim to study financial data in my first job after Princeton and learn how to code this summer. 

2) Psychology/Qualitative Analysis.

As the world becomes more technical, physical human skillsets (like building cars in factories) become less relevant. What cannot be taken away from our human experience is our psychology and how our brains work. 

I have previously stated my passion for making a difference in mental health, but fully understanding the human mind is necessary to make a difference. 

Whether my future outlet for making a difference is with people or products, I will need people to aid my studies. Understanding how people think will be the biggest help in making concise decisions.

Psychology as a study requires people to be around you so you can analyze their thought patterns. A combination of experience and research will allow me to develop this skill set.

I plan to go back to school at a much later date to understand the human brain scientifically. In the meantime, I will continue to build an understanding of how the brain works through personal study and experience with others. 

3) Video Editing/Production.

This skill set is something I’ve been actively working on as of late.

When I was twelve, I took a class offered outside of my elementary school to understand how YouTube works..

Ten years later, I made a YouTube channel. My first three videos will be out tomorrow, Thursday, and Saturday, and the link will be in my social media bios. I am VERY excited to continue using my creative juices and have fun making content!

Episode V: The Power of Dopamine

Dopamine is the most powerful resource any human can have. Let me explain why.

First, let’s talk about your body and where dopamine comes from.

Your body’s nervous system has cells that connect through a synapse, where neurons connect to other neurons. The chemicals released to other neurons when the synapse are amino acids, which are a result of breaking protein down in protein synthesis. Tyrosine is one of those amino acids. Tyrosine turns into a chemical called DOPA, and DOPA turns into dopamine. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter in your brain that rewards you when doing an act that gives pleasure. 

Certain acts give more pleasure than others. For example, if you finish a workout, it provides a very high level of dopamine. Your brain gets a massive feeling of satisfaction because dopamine is the reward both during and after an activity.

How you receive rewards varies from person to person. For example, many people stay up late watching Netflix, TikTok, or social media. If it becomes subconscious to keep doing it, it’s because the dopamine took over.

Dopamine makes you function on a want-to basis. The things you have to do won’t matter when dopamine takes over. I have to write my thesis, but since I want to write about dopamine, I’m writing about dopamine instead.

If your rewards system is off, it could lead to some serious trouble. Let’s look at an alcoholic. 

For some alcoholics, it isn’t just the substance itself that gets them addicted. It’s the reward system that their brains receive when drinking. 

An alcoholic’s brain receives its’ highest dopamine levels from the substance and sees it as its biggest reward instead of other activities. Some alcoholics reach that all-time dopamine high the second their brain experiences it; others receive more rewards over time as they continue to drink. Either way, it becomes subconscious for alcoholics to crave it because drinking is the act that provides the most pleasure. 

Since dopamine makes the brain function on a want-to basis, all other aspects of life don’t come close to satisfying them and drinking becomes the priority. Even when getting clean, they still crave that feeling of dopamine. It’s why alcoholics wrangle with their addiction the rest of their lives.

This isn’t to say that dopamine is bad, though. It’s only bad when rewards become subconscious and interfere with your personal life. 

When dopamine consistently channels through you during activity and your skillset matches that reward system, you can enter a flow state. Flow state is the most powerful tool anyone can have; you can take complete control because you are perfectly in the present moment. Flow state explains those moments in life when you are perfectly present and in complete control while doing the activity.

I will write more on flow state in a later episode. This is going to be my last blog post until April 10th. My thesis is almost done, and I will post it for anyone who’d like to read it.

When the skillset isn’t there or the dopamine isn’t as high, you can do something called hyperfocus. When hyperfocusing, you lose track of time doing the activity like in a flow state, but either the dopamine of actually doing the activity or your skillset holds you back from being in a flow state.

Hyperfocusing can be incredibly powerful because it allows you to perform at an extremely high level.

For example, when locked in on doing work, you do so because you are hyperfocusing. You might not like doing it, but when you eventually get around to it, finishing the have-to’s with everything in the tank is the biggest dopamine reward because you can go back to the want-to’s stress-free once done.

If you hyperfocus on non-productive things, it can become an obstacle to your daily existence. 

An example of this is playing video games. Video games provide incredible amounts of dopamine, but if there are have-to’s that must be completed, your skillset isn’t there to be in a flow state, you’ll miss out on the other stuff without realizing it because you’ll lose track of time.

Many people fear the hyperfocus because they fear not doing have-to’s on time. In most cases, it’s justified. Dopamine is subconscious and losing sight of where it applies is dangerous.

However, if you hyperfocus on the hyperfocus, then you can regulate the dopamine into different channels instead of just one. Let me explain what I mean.

I have extremely high levels of dopamine. Fortunately, many of my have-to’s are want-to’s, so I am lucky in that regard. However, other want-to’s are not have-to's, but must be recognized daily to be satisfied. How I balance them is by hyperfocusing on what I can and cannot do on any given day.

I hyperfocus on what must be done at different points of the next day fifteen minutes before bed. When I schedule, I give myself breaks that fulfill the dopamine so I can keep going. That break was writing this blog. It has become subconscious to continue to schedule because I receive a massive dopamine release after hitting every checkpoint.

Before scheduling, I list priorities on a scale of biggest to smallest dopamine reward and know each must be hit. I then schedule both what I want and have to do in a day to make sure my dopamine is fulfilled.

It’s not a bad thing to have dopamine because it makes life that much more satisfying. I argue that it’s my biggest strength. The process of channeling it is difficult, but once you do, anything is possible.

Follow the dopamine, but with respect to the have-to’s. Your days will be a lot more rewarding after you listen it.

Episode IV: My Decision

This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.

On my eighth birthday, I fell in love with you. Dad and I sat on the big yellow couch in the living room, screaming at the TV with tears of joy when Corey Webster picked off Brett Favre in overtime at Lambeau Field.

I begged my parents every single year to play as a kid, and when I got the chance, I gave you everything I had because I love you.

My first time playing was freshman year of high school against Red Mountain. We lost 42-7. I got steamrolled at defensive tackle my first ever snap and got back up with the biggest smile on my face. That’s when I knew I really loved you.

Every kid has a dream they chase. Mine was to play college football. Grandma Renee and I used to stay up for countless hours talking about how to get there. Well, guess what happened? I did.

In sixth grade, I wrote a letter to myself asking where I wanted to be in ten years. I said I wanted to graduate from Harvard. Six years later, I picked Princeton and never lost to the 10,000 men in crimson.

Winning is something that never happened in sports as a kid. I was always a good athlete that came in second and it ate at me. I hate losing more than anything else.

Princeton gave me that feeling not once, but twice. I played in a stacked position room with the best coaches, teammates, and culture anyone could ask for. Winning isn’t given; it’s earned, and my brothers certainly taught me how to do that. I spent the last four years pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into you for the orange and black. It was everything I wanted and more.

The question at first was: where do I play next? The next question was: do I play at all?

I sat in my room contemplating the next step. I love football with all of my heart, but was football everything I wanted in life for the next three years? Well, to answer that question, I needed perspective.

In the midst of my concussion (in Episode I: Perspective), I interviewed for a trip called Silicon Valley Tiger Trek. Out of 200 applicants, I was one of twenty picked to go meet the best startup companies and venture capital firms Silicon Valley had to offer. So, I took it.

I got to San Francisco with my heart fully set on football. What happened on that trip was something I never expected. 

Going into the trip, I only knew two other people and was extremely nervous. Walking away from it, I made twenty of the closest friends I’ll have, bonded by our shared commitment to shape our future in a positive direction. 

I learned more about myself in the ten days there than I did in four years at Princeton. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Picking the minds of some of the brightest visionaries on Earth gives you a lot to learn from, and I surely did learn. So, the question then became: how much more can I learn?

In this world, you are who you really are. One interesting take I heard in San Francisco was “We are all the same five-year-old kid at heart.” After this trip, I had to ask myself: who was that five-year-old kid?

Well, I always loved playing basketball at recess. Physical exercise was necessary to function in a classroom; however, at all three elementary schools I went to, we always ate lunch before going to recess. At lunch, I liked to ask my friends how they were doing, and I always got an honest answer. I learned where they were at and how to help if needed. I understood what they were going through because I’m an empath by nature.

How does this translate to who I am now? Let me give you an example. 

When I was a freshman, two upperclassmen asked the locker room to help the rare disease community. I pounced on the opportunity. Two months later, I took over as President of Princeton Football’s Chapter of Uplifting Athletes and never looked back. It gave me incredible joy positively impacting the rare disease community and am forever thankful for the opportunity.

On my 22nd birthday, I sat on the back of the bus headed to the Golden Gate Bridge for the Silicon Valley Tiger Trek photoshoot. We just met the founders of a startup that featured three Princeton graduates under 25 years old. Their advice? “Chase after the things that you care about the most.”

Their advice sat with me on the bus. When I check up on others, I always ask about their mental health. It’s not an easy thing to learn or understand, but after asking enough times, you really see how people think and in which ways you can support them.

Many people have told me, “I wish that we could talk about mental health more.” I firmly agree with this statement. On that bus ride, it clicked: the thing that matters the most to me is mental health. That’s my north star.

In order to chase after my north star, I must dedicate everything I have to it. So, here’s my decision. I am walking away from the game of football.

It will come as a surprise for many, but this is the right decision for my future. I’m moving forward to make a difference.

—

iSight will be a major outlet for my discoveries. It’s the beginning of an entirely new journey, but I want to do so much more than just iSight. Be on the lookout for more content soon. I am incredibly thankful for your support.

Episode III: Daydreaming

It’s officially spring break. I have time to write my thesis, ideate, golf, and rest for the first time in a couple of months. Part of this time has been spent reflecting, and part of that reflection is in this episode. I received an email last week from an iSight reader asking, “How can I be more creative?” That question sat with me all week long as I finished midterms. To be completely honest, it’s not an easy task to be creative. Through my experiences, I’ve learned that creativity is limited in rigorous environments. Many of us feel trapped by our own surroundings, adjust to the things that we see, and never have the time to express our artistic abilities. In fact, most people I know are limited by their surroundings. But sometimes, in the thick of our own reality, we escape from it by daydreaming. 

Right after finishing midterms and before heading back to Arizona, I watched the new Batman movie. I didn’t have high hopes for it, but it was truly a masterpiece. As a kid, I mentally wandered to be like Batman, a man in the shadows tackling major problems with sheer willpower, intellect, and physical prowess. I always loved Batman because he felt tangible. From the time I was three years old, I wanted to face incredibly large problems and conquer them because Batman could. He was my hero, and I still mentally wander to be like him. This is daydreaming: escaping your reality by mentally wandering to new places.

Everyone has a world their mind wanders to when physically confined to their surroundings. Some are based on reality; others are entirely new. I just happened to wander to Gotham in a Batman costume and recognized it for iSight because I watched the movie. Can you remember where your mind wanders when the world requires your physical presence? Take thirty seconds to imagine that place. I’m serious. Stop reading and let your mind wander.

— (Trust me. Take the time to wander. It’ll be worth it.) —

That place you wandered to is one that induces creativity. Remember and cherish it. Daydreaming provides an incredible dopamine rush because when your mind wanders, you see/find things that you’ve never thought of before. If you spend enough time mentally wandering, all of the new things that you just saw/found will culminate into a form of creative expression. A common way of creatively expressing those daydreams is through pictures; when bored, some people will sketch, paint, photograph, design, or visually express the picture of something they found when mentally wandering. Another way of expressing those daydreams is through words; when bored, other people will write, type, or speak out what they imagine. Which way do you think when your mind wanders? Take a second to answer that question.

—

Now, there is no right answer on which way to think. Everyone’s brain is inherently different; however, the way you think is the one you will tend to express those daydreams in because that’s how your mind naturally works. I see both a picture and words, so I like to express my ideas in both forms. iSight just happens to be the written form and a starting point as I become more and more creative. My surroundings at Princeton were mainly academic and football-oriented, so I ignored this part of my subconscious for a long time. Now, I am grateful to have found it again. Also, I am truly blessed to have the support from my friends and family to be creative and allow my daydreams to become a reality. When I was eight, one of my daydreams was writing to help others. Here I am, fourteen years later, manifesting it into reality. 

But what happens when the world pulls you back into reality and out of that mental place? Earlier this week, I asked one of my friends, Jacob Brady, about it over the phone. His answer? Go back to it as often as you can.

Jacob played football with me in high school and was always bright. I asked Jacob specifically because I always saw him in the locker room with a notebook, so I wondered why. For context, the only times I saw him without it was on the field or in the weight room. It didn’t make sense to me at the time, but now, it does. Jacob wrote down all of the things he saw in his daydreams and continually refined them in his notebook. Every day, from the time he was a little kid until now, he had a picture in his head of a world that no one else had ever seen before. Jacob kept going back to that daydream because it was clear and exciting to him. How does he think? In words. He’s been writing for fifteen years. He applied everything he had in the tank into his words, and what was the result? His upcoming book, “Grayson Day and the Black Diamond.” I wanted to see how his thoughts translated to paper, so I asked him to read it before publishing, and he sent it to me. Let me tell you: his book was GOOD. The world he describes feels real, and anyone can hop into it. The imagery and story arc were so clear and profound, and I can’t wait for you all to read it when it releases. Jacob turned his daydreams into reality through creative expression and did it in every environment through thick and thin. Daydreaming was the tool that got him going, and now, he’s off to the races.

If you want to be creative, mentally wander to find something new. Daydreaming is a way to find that place of creativity and find your way of expressing it by recognizing if you think in pictures or words. Return to that place you wander to as often as possible, express it through the way that you think, and you will be creative.

—

I can’t cover what the eye can’t see unless you tell me what’s missing from the bigger picture. Let me know what you think, send me any questions you have, and share the blog with the people you care about!

Episode II: Optimism vs Pessimism

I just wanted to start off by saying thank you for your support of iSight thus far. I truly didn’t expect my voice to be heard and I REALLY didn’t expect my work in Episode 1 to be so well-received. Life has been pretty hectic with a thesis draft, problem set, quiz, and a presentation all due this week; however, while incredibly busy, I still had a memorable conversation that sparked this week’s episode of iSight. I got lunch with one of my close friends on campus Tuesday and they asked me about Episode 1, so I asked him about what they learned.

They said, “I just realized how pessimistic I can be.” 

“What do you mean by that?” 

They answered, “I expect disappointment in life because of the things that I’ve seen.”

“Now, is that a way to live life? Expecting to be let down on every corner?”

“No, but the world around me is all that I know. I don’t expect anything different than what I’ve seen. Luke, how do you manage to be so optimistic?”

“Good question.”

I sat there for a solid 30 seconds in silence, thinking about the best way to explain why. I haven’t always been optimistic about the world; in fact, I only saw the world pessimistically for a long time. So, before explaining why, I asked them about the way they see the world now to compare to the way I used to think.

“When you say pessimism, does that expectation of disappointment transfer over to any other parts of your life?”

“Oh, absolutely,” they said. “I expect the worst out of myself sometimes, too. When I get pessimistic, I get stuck and can’t seem to wiggle my way out of it, so I sometimes get really sad and anxious when I’m alone.”

Right after they said that I knew we were on the same page. Pessimism can carry to other aspects of your life, especially with your mental health. The expected disappointment in others can very easily lead to reflecting on things that you’re mad at yourself about. This leads to self-disappointment. When people are mad at themselves, they lower their standards; those actions with lower standards while already being mad lead to even more self-disappointment. Even more self-disappointment leads to even lower standards and, with those actions, guess what you feel? Even MORE self-disappointment. This vicious cycle leads to a point where you feel so stuck by your lowered standards and exponentially increased self-disappointment that anxiety and depression stop by to haunt your subconscious. Pessimism is bigger than expecting disappointment; it’s a mindset. 

“I know that feeling all too well, my friend. I’ve been stuck to the point where I didn’t know if I could keep going, but I ended up getting out of it.”

“How?”

“Here’s how I got myself out of it.”

——————— 

It’s October of 2019 during my sophomore year of college. I wasn’t good enough at football to be playing yet, but my ego wasn’t ready to accept that. It’s hard to accept failure when something you’ve worked so damn hard for is all that you’ve wanted for (up to this point) eleven years. My dream was to play football, not watch it. But guess what ended up happening? Me watching on Saturdays, not playing. Sometimes, your best efforts aren’t good enough, but I wasn’t ready to accept that reality. So, I became pessimistic. Every day, I’d go to practice mad at the thing I couldn’t control (playing time) and expecting daily disappointment. When I got back to my room, I was always a mess because my head was everywhere but in reality. Why can’t you just get better? You’re such a disappointment. You’re better than this. I did extra lifts and mobility sessions, studied the playbook for many extra hours, watched hours and hours of film, repeated the footwork I messed up until I got it, and still cursed myself out for not being good enough. Every single day, I felt like a failure over something I wasn’t ready for and couldn’t control. I expected people to belittle me for not playing because I wasn’t playing, so I started building a coping mechanism: covering my tracks. People cover their tracks through a multitude of methods; mine was doing anything but accepting reality to protect my ego. I just ended up being more disappointed in myself for having to protect my ego. This led to lowered standards. My grades PLUMMETED amidst this struggle. If I can fail on the field, I can fail in the classroom. You’re a failure, Luke. I have a decent 3.4 GPA at Princeton, but this number would be a 3.52 (yes, I did the math on this one) if I didn’t lower my academic standards during my sophomore fall. The anxiety and depression from self-disappointment and lowered academic standards worsened as my focus shifted away from the classroom to the football field and led to even more self-disappointment. Inevitably, it reached a point where I was so low that I didn’t know if I could make it through the semester. Pessimism carried into other parts of my life and was why my mental health suffered. But somehow, I got out of that loop. Wanna know how?

Things changed when I proved to myself that I was good enough to play. As mentioned before, I dedicated almost all of my time to football and hyper-focused on it. Fueled by self-disappointment, anxiety, and depression, I spent an extra 5-6 hours a day on top of the normal 30-40 hours a week working on my craft to get a chance in practice, and, during week eight of my sophomore season, I did. A coach kicked me off of the scout team because I was beating our best defensive players; for context, the scout team is where you run plays that the other team runs to help the defense prepare for the game. I got my chance with the starters and backups and when I did, I played some great football. I wasn’t good enough before, but when I got to play with the older guys, I proved to myself and everyone else that I was. So, the self-disappointment went away. Even though my offensive line coach kept the same rotation (reasonable decision) and I didn’t end up in a game, I knew that I was good enough to be competing for a chance because of the effort I put in and was completely fine with the result. Then, immediately after I got off of the scout team, it finally hit me: I couldn’t control the rotation. Who plays wasn’t in my control and never would be. So, I played for pride and it all worked out. As a byproduct of that newfound pride, my academic standards rose. I pulled my grades out of the gutter through sheer willpower to a manageable GPA. It wasn’t easy by any means, but the grades went up and I vowed to never academically struggle again. My last realization came later that night: I need to stop covering my tracks. Social image isn’t self-validation. It never has been and never will be. Once that last realization came, I did my best to make amends for covering my tracks, and never did I lower my standards again. When I was given a reason to be optimistic, I took it, fully ran with it, and haven’t looked back since. Even when I endured other struggles, my standards never lowered to that point. I broke that loop for good.

———————

After telling my friend about my sophomore fall, they were taken aback by the struggles I endured. This person is a big empath, too, so they felt the same shift in energy from when I was pessimistic to when I was optimistic. It’s noticeable. They thanked me for sharing and called out that energy change. We were on the same page, speaking the same language with optimism and pessimism. 

They then asked, “How did you stick to that? I always lose that sight of what’s good in people and expect disappointment.”

Once I saw some good that defied my expected disappointment, I vowed to never stop searching for the good in people. If people don’t meet your standards, it’s on them, not you. This isn’t to say that pessimism is a bad thing; expecting disappointment eases the blow of people disappointing you and makes accepting how shitty the world can be easier. However, pessimism easily transfers to how you view yourself if you can’t compartmentalize it into external and internal disappointment. It becomes a catastrophic mindset if that pessimism becomes internal. I was lucky to have received external validation to get out of it, but if you can’t compartmentalize, anxiety and depression will follow. Optimism, on the other hand, allows you to focus only on what’s good in the world. While you will often be disappointed by others not meeting your standards, realizing that you can’t control their actions makes it that much easier to move on. People tell you who they really are, so if they let you down, recognize the disappointment and move on from the negativity. If you’re stuck with that person, try to find the good in them. It’ll make interactions with them more tolerable if there’s even the smallest glimpse of good in them. If you keep this mindset, life becomes much more fun and exciting. It’s easier to be in the moment and find good things that will keep you going when you look for it all the time. Don’t lose sight of the good in this world and life will reward you for your efforts.

__

I can’t cover what the eye can’t see unless you tell me what’s missing from the bigger picture. Let me know what you think, send me any questions you have, and share iSight with the people you care about! The more people who read iSight, the better my writing will be because I will have more concepts to cover. Again, thank you for reading iSight and I am VERY excited to hear your thoughts.

Episode 1: Perspective

A fair warning: If you are expecting to see my college commitment in this blog, you won't be getting what you are looking for. I will be announcing the news soon! Instead, I'm going to bring to light some critical learning experiences. I bring a different voice to light in my experiences with autism (this is not a typo), athletics, philosophy, theater, and entrepreneurship and aim to enlighten you on important lessons I’ve learned. For the first episode, I will focus on perspective. One common saying is: perspective is in the eyes of the beholder. In reality, perspectives change through experiences with other people or things. My inspiration for this entry stemmed from a conversation I had earlier this week. I was hanging out with three people I had never met until an hour before; one of them asked me what I thought of the world, so I told them, "I'm grateful to exist on this Earth." They then told me, "I'm not," so I asked why. This person then told me about some extremely traumatic events that influenced them to develop an eating disorder, how the world was always against them from the beginning, and ultimately questioned why they exist. I could NEVER go through the things they went through. When I say the things they saw were horrible, I mean it. It is tough not to feel the same emotions as someone else as an empath. So, despite not personally understanding how difficult their circumstances were, I could feel the intense sorrow from what had happened, confusion as to why it happened to them, and trauma from it happening to them. It was dire. That feeling of being stuck is horrible, but it is a place I have been to recently. So, I felt equipped enough to provide them with a new perspective by telling them why I'm grateful to exist. 
—

It's Tuesday, September 21, 2021, in week two of the season. I barely missed the bus for the first game of the season at Lehigh because we could only travel nine offensive linemen to the game and I was the tenth. That weekend, I prepared harder than I ever had for the second game against Stetson. I had never played a college game and was ready to make the dream I've had since I was eight come true. On Tuesdays, I had morning meetings and lift, class from 1:30-4:20, and practice at 4:45. I rode my scooter from my room to class like normal and enjoyed a lecture on Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason. Class ends and I ride my scooter to practice; on the way down to the locker room is a massive hill that I rode twice a week, so it seemed like no big deal to ride it. Until. It. Was. On the way down, I had my hand ready to hit the brake lean on the handle like usual to help slow the scooter down; however, when I hit the brake and leaned back, the scooter snapped at the axle. Oh, shit. BOOM. My head thumped the pavement louder than I'd ever heard a thump before. Somehow, I got right back up. No big deal, right? I carried the scooter over my shoulder, walked to the locker room, and got ready for practice, but it took me 20 minutes instead of 10 because I was so dizzy. Typically, we have a pre-practice circuit to warm up our technique, but I got thrown into the normal warmup (much harder, by the way) because I took so long. Part of our warmups is to lunge on a knee and loosen our hip flexors; I get on a knee and fall right back over. Oh shit. We get to running and drills after stretch, and the dizziness goes away for a little bit. Life feels completely normal again. But then, we got to catch our breath and the dizziness came right back. Everything was spinning around me and I couldn't see straight. I saw stars and colors. Why does this have to happen now? I have to make my dreams come true. 

After the water break came our first team period, where the real tape is for the coaches to determine who plays, so I have to do well. The first play comes and I have to block a freshman on the scout team on my left. Easy. Take two steps, grab him, and drive your feet is the simple version of what I do in this play. The first two steps come and I grab complete air. I missed a massive defensive lineman by four feet. I'm going to destroy this dude next play. It's the same play with the same offensive and defensive formation, but this time going the opposite way, so I have to climb to a linebacker and block a smaller, faster dude. Fine by me. I'm a bull out of a china shop when the ball gets snapped, sprint to the linebacker, bury my head into his chest, and run my feet until he tells me to stop. I can't see anything but colors and stars at this point. After he tells me to stop, I try to go back to the ball, but I can't find it. This isn't good. My teammate grabs me, puts me back where I'm supposed to be, we run another play I can't remember, and I (apparently) end up doing fine. Immediately after the play ends, I run to the sideline and hurl. The dizziness was too much. A trainer sees me hurling and immediately pulls me out of practice. I have no choice but to listen. He tells me we are going to the trainer's for further evaluation in concussion protocol. For context, any form of concussion protocol means no playing for at least a week. This week was my chance to play in a game, and it's gone now? Damn. I hurled again on the way over to the trainer's just thinking about it. 

As soon as I get to the trainer's, I get put into a dark room. I'm still in pads but am so dizzy that I hurl for a third time when I try to take them off. You're pathetic, Luke. The next thing I remember, I wake up from my bed and check the date on my phone. It's October 18. A month passed by and I couldn’t remember any of it. What just happened to a month of my life? It was all gone from my memory. I only remember taking a picture in an ambulance (which felt like a dream, by the way). I checked my phone to see if I had written anything down, and, fortunately, I wrote some notes down subconsciously; however, everything else was gone. Not. One. Thing. How did I finish midterms, and what have I done for a month? Well, I apparently spent twelve days in a dark room and walked to class with sunglasses on for the rest. Welp, there went my chance. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was so much lighter than before. There's no chance the coaches will play me if I make it back because I'm too light and out of practice. I still wanted to make it back for my own good, though. The team was undefeated and didn't need me, but I wanted to be there to see the end of it. After three weeks of vestibular (eyesight) training (also why I wanted to name this blog iSight) and some essential conditioning, I was back on the field for the last two games and got to watch the boys take home a championship. Unfortunately, I was deeply saddened that my dream of playing got stripped by a scooter, confused as to why it was me that it happened to, and traumatized by being braindead for a month. The effects on my mental health were catastrophic when enduring a month being gone. It wasn’t easy in the slightest bit.

—

I told this person that I learned to be grateful for existing when it all got stripped away because of the concussion. I couldn't ever experience the exact things they went through, but BOY, could I tell them how I got out of it. Wanna know how? Find activities outside of your walls that you enjoy doing. Getting out of your walls is how you get out of your head. It's why we could have this conversation and why I could help them out; this person left their walls for just a moment so I could enter them and provide some perspective. They then asked, "What activities did you do?" I told them playing as much golf as possible when I got home got me out of my head. Mother Nature is therapeutic; immersing myself in it allowed me to be grateful for existing within it. Not everyone has the chance to live as a human. In fact, the odds of your existence are 1 in 400 trillion. It's up to YOU to make the most of every day because you don't know how long it will last. Once they got this new story and perspective, they sat dead silent for about 20 minutes, typing on their phone. Dead silent. Did I put this kid in a state of trauma? Out of nowhere, when talking to the other two people in the room, this person came up to me with a tear in their eye and a MASSIVE smile on their face; they gave me the biggest hug and said, "Thank you." It was the most sincere thank you that I've ever gotten. I got emotional from them hugging me. They seemed so much more at peace in such a short time, so I will accredit it to perspective. It could've been other things, but they got out of their walls and experienced a new view on life.

We only have one life on this Earth. The odds that you get to be here are RARE. If you ever feel stuck or hopeless, know that you are NOT alone. Talk to people, get out of your walls, and you will have perspective.